A Brilliant Dancing Dream
by Lances
Summary: Ryuichi:Shuichi. Yuki has thrown poor Shuichi out again. Ryuichi is going crazy because he's the one who always has to take care of the brokenhearted boy. But WHY exactly is he going crazy?... Based on anime.
1. Brilliant Dancing Dream 1

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Gravitation. I don't own the characters, the places or _anything_. This story is for entertainment purposes only and I have shamelessly made Sakuma Ryuichi more sensible than what he should be, and Shuichi less in love with Yuki than what he should be. My apologies. -Lances

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**A Brilliant, Dancing Dream**

**by Lances**

It was an ordinary evening. The cloudy, darkening sky was shimmering pale yellow because of the lights of the city, the wind was gently waving the curtains by an open window and the air was as perfectly fresh and chilly as it always was on late autumn evenings –and Shindou Shuichi was sitting on Sakuma Ryuichi's fluffy grey couch, as he always was on late, desolate evenings. Harbouring an empty mug of hot chocolate, the pink-haired leader of Bad Luck was slumped against the pillows, staring straight ahead and looking horribly alone despite his famous company.

He'd been sitting there like that for the best part of the past three hours, already, and was – unknowingly – making his host considerably uncomfortable.

"Shuichi… I really need to talk to you about something."

Surprised, awakened from his thoughts, the young man glanced at his friend through a veil of damp hair that fell over his eyes that were swollen from countless tears. "Sakuma-san...?"

"You can't keep doing this, you know. I mean, coming to my place every time Yuki Eiri throws you out." Ryuichi pushed his hands into his pockets and looked out the window into the gloomy night. "It's... It's getting a bit... _inconvenient_."

Shuichi stiffened with fear and sorrow. "Is... Is it really bothering you, Sakuma-san?"

The dark-haired man scratched his head beneath the red bandana he was wearing. "Yeah, it is."

Shuichi felt his heart grow heavy and new tears spilled out of his eyes. There it was, then. _Nobody_ wanted him around, anymore. Not even the kind, caring Ryu-chan who was _born_ to be everybody's friend.

"Why don't you go bunk with your friend Hiro? I'm sure he'd be glad to take you in."

Shuichi swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. I... I understand. I'll just go, then."

"It's for your own best, Shu-chan. You might not see it now, but... Please believe me. This is all for your own best."

"Okay." Shuichi stood up, threw on his jacket and dragged himself towards the door, his steps heavy. He didn't look back, but he could hear Sakuma-san heaving a deep sigh behind him. Fighting against new tears, Shuichi slipped out of the apartment and into the empty, cold hallway.

Where was he supposed to go again? Not to Hiro's place, that was certain. Hiro had just recently moved in with Ayaka-chan and there really was no place for a brat like him in their household right now. Besides, Ayaka-chan really liked to bitch-slap him rather often, and Shuichi really didn't like to be bitch-slapped tonight. Furthermore, the pair happened to be currently on holiday somewhere around Kyoto and therefore not home at all.

Dragging himself slowly towards the park that was already so familiar to him, Shuichi began to think of his life. He supposed he had a good life in general. Oh, yes, _in general... _those were rather nice words, when one came to think of them, really. _In general,_ he had the gorgeous writer Yuki Eiri as his lover. _In general,_ he had the notorious Sakuma Ryuichi as his friend, and _in general_ they had fun together every time they met. _In general, _Hiro was always there to take care of him should the need arise, and _in general _Hiro didn't turn him down for Ayaka-chan's sake. _In general,_ Shuichi didn't feel suicidal like right now.

"Where should I go, where should I go...?" Shuichi shivered as the cold evening air wrapped its merciless tendrils around his small body, and he pulled the jacket more firmly around himself. "Not back home to Yuki... not back to Sakuma-san's... Why is it that nobody wants me around? Am I so horrible? Am I really such a burden to everyone?"

Shuichi sat down on a lone bench and pulled his knees to his chest. Yes, he thought, he really _was_ rather annoying. As a spontaneous, cheerful and rather unthinking person, he must get on people's nerves rather often. Especially when those particular people were calm, calculating, withdrawn and sensible like Yuki.

_Yuki... _Shuichi sighed. It was a miracle how he'd managed to capture the heart of such an elusive, distant man in the first place. _Or had he? Had he really captured Yuki's heart? _

Shuichi knew Yuki didn't still, after all these years, notice him the way a proper boyfriend should notice his lover. Yuki didn't actually seem to give a rat's arse how Shuichi was doing unless he was feeling uncommonly _guilty_ about something. Now, for example, the young singer hadn't eaten properly in what seemed like weeks and he was carrying black crescents beneath his eyes due to lack of sleep, and Yuki _hadn't noticed. _Yuki hadn't even noticed how drawn out and depressed Shuichi was; had been for _months_ in row.

Frowning, Shuichi watched as a lone squirrel scuttered past him, in search of food or something. It was timid and vigilant, watching the young man with gleaming black eyes as it moved. Shuichi was instantly reminded of himself and looked away. This was just like he was acting around Yuki these days: fearful and constantly alert.

Shuichi shook his head. He knew that his relationship with Yuki had been stormy and full of arguments from the beginning. He had bravely ignored it all this far, but things should have slowly changed by now. Things should have _calmed down_ by now. True, the make-up sex was amazing and somehow Shuichi even _liked_ the cold side in his lover, but once in a while he came to think whether or not there would actually be a real future for their relationship.

The paranoid squirrel disappeared, continuing its mysterious squirrel business somewhere out of sight. Shuichi started when his cell phone began to ring. The name flashing on the screen was Sakuma-san's. Frowning, he answered the call.

"_Where are you, Shu-chan?"_ Ryuichi sounded rather worried.

"Well I'm... I'm..." Squeezing his eyes shut and massaging his temple with his free hand, Shuichi decided he might as well calm down his friend. There was no reason why Ryuichi should feel guilty about throwing him out. After all, that's what Yuki did all the time, and Yuki was even his lover, the last time Shuichi checked. Sakuma Ryuichi was not anyhow responsible for his comfort. "Everything's fine, Sakuma-san. I'm just on my way to Hiro's place."

"_You are? Really?"_

"Of course I am? Why do you ask?"

"_Because I just called Tohma and he told me Hiro's in Kyoto."_

Shuichi began to play with a dry, fallen leaf that lay on the bench beside him. "Yeah, well, I've got spare keys. Don't worry, I'll manage."

"_Shuichi..."_ There was a certain amount of anxiety in Ryuichi's voice. "_I'm worried about you. Please, come back to my place. We'll talk."_

"I wish Yuki would even _once_ say those words to me," Shuichi muttered, feeling petulant.

"_Well, so do I, and I'm really sorry that I'm not Yuki." _Ryuichi was silent for a moment, and then he coughed. "_But there really is something I need to tell you. I need to explain something to you. Would you just come back, please?"_

"Sakuma-san, I really don't think I should..."

"_Shut up and just get back here!"_ Ryuichi growled. "_If you're not behind my door in fifteen minutes, I'll send K after you with a sniper."_

"You wouldn't!"

"_I would, too."_

Shuichi sighed and leaned his forehead against his palm, a small grin ghosting over his mouth. There really wasn't anywhere else he _could_ go right now, unless he wished to spend the night in the cold park. "Okay, then. I'll come. But just for the night. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore, and..."

"_...beep... beep... beep..."_

"...and it was nice talking to you too, Sakuma-san."

Shuichi put his phone away, stood up and stretched. His limbs were a bit stiffened after sitting on the cold bench, and he decided to jog back to Ryuichi's.

--

Sakuma-san really was a good friend, Shuichi thought while running along the almost deserted streets. Not everyone would put up with him like this. Having just moments ago established the fact that he was somewhat of a burden to his friends, what with all his roller-coaster moods and crazy whims, Shuichi really appreciated Ryuichi's kindness in a situation like this.

Well. Actually there had been quite a few situations like this before, and he'd spent quite a few nights over at his place before, which made Ryuichi's kindness even _more_ appreciated.

Panting, Shuichi reached the brilliant silver-blue skyscraper where Ryuichi's lofty apartment was situated. He greeted the man at the door and went to the elevators. He'd been here so many times before that the lobby personnel didn't even care to register him. Shrugging his jacket off, he stepped into the elevator and chose the floor 54. Ryuichi really had a nice, nice home, in Shuichi's opinion.

"You came! I'm so happy!" Before the elevator doors had properly even had time to open, Shuichi was pulled out of the cubicle and was dragged along the long aisle by none other than his moonstruck host. "Smashing, brilliant, wonderful! I'll make us drinks and we'll talk. I'm so happy you came, Shu-chan. Kumagoro's happy as well."

"Er..." Shuichi was somewhat taken aback by the change in Sakuma Ryuichi. Only moments ago the man had been a completely different person from this world-embracing, loony git; he'd been serious and grave, even troubled, but now there was no trace left of such gloomy feelings. It suited Shuichi just fine. He felt somewhat awkward around gloomy people. "Are you sure I'm not troubling you?"

Ryuichi threw the pink-haired man inside his apartment and closed the door behind them. "I can't really say you're _not_ troubling me, Shu-chan, because you are. But not in the way you think."

"What...?"

"Please, go and sit on the living room couch and open the telly if you wish. I'll bring us something to drink and then we'll have our conversation."

"But...?"

"Sparkle, sparkle, Shuichi. Don't look so worried. I don't like it when you look so worried."

Shrugging, Shuichi made his way to the living room while Ryuichi disappeared into the kitchen. Moments later, they were both seated next to each other on the couch, holding cool drinks in their hands. Ryuichi threw off his red bandeau and tousled his shiny dark hair. He was biting his lower lip as if there was something he would want to say but didn't dare.

"So..." Shuichi began. "I came back, just as you wished. But... I'm still getting the idea I'm not welcome."

"No, that's not it. It's..." Ryuichi cleared his throat. "When I said that you trouble me..."

"...yes?"

"...I meant that you... you... _trouble_ me."

"Then I'll just go!" Shuichi spread his arms, feeling frustrated.

"NO! Don't go. I don't want you to go." Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's arm. "I mean, not unless you really want to. After I've said what I have to say."

"You're not making much sense here, Sakuma-san. Besides, you're scaring me off."

Ryuichi smiled at him then, and Shuichi felt relief spreading all over his body. Ryu-chan really had a beautiful, catching smile and it was always genuine. Shuichi had always liked it very much.

The hand on Shuichi's arm retreated and began to fiddle with the dark locks that fell over the vibrant blue eyes. "Shuichi... You're troubling me because you're making me think unthinkable things. Scary things. _Forbidden _things."

"What kind of forbidden things?" Shuichi asked, eyes wide, his gaze never leaving the hypnotizing movement of that hand that was moving through the silky hair. "Do you want to kill me or something?"

Ryuichi gulped down half of his drink and gave a laugh. "No, I don't want to kill you. I want to _fuck_ you, stupid."

Shuichi gasped, eyes widening even more if possible. "W-what?"

Ryuichi took a deep sigh and craned his neck so that he was facing the ceiling. His dark blue eyes were staring straight ahead, trying perhaps not to see anything else besides the dull white paint. "I'm saying, it's not good for you to come to me every time you and Eiri-san fight. Because I'm finding you curiously attractive and my desire is growing by your every visit. I know you love your precious, gorgeous Yuki more than anything in this world, and that's why this is all so troubling. I'm beginning to feel jealous of you, and that's not going to lead to anything but myself getting either hurt or out of control. Meaning, I might... _try_ something, if you come too often."

"Really?" Shuichi could not stop staring. "You really find me attractive?"

Ryuichi greedily enjoyed the last of his drink and stood up. "Yeah, I do. That's why I threw you out tonight. I was afraid I might... lose control. Forget my place."

Shuichi blushed and looked down at his own, untouched drink. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, well..." Ryuichi walked towards the kitchen in order to refill his glass. "So am I."

Shuichi was left alone in the living room, alone with his reeling thoughts. _Did Sakuma Ryuichi just declare to me that he wants me?_ Shuichi couldn't help but feel a little flattered, if also completely stunned. After all, Sakuma-san _was_ the day-dream of nearly every boy and girl in Japan, perhaps even Europe, and he _did_ have a rather nice arse. Shuichi would have been blind not to notice.

Gripping his glass with vigour, Shuichi drowned the entire drink with one go. _What would Yuki say if he knew what I was thinking right now?_ Shuichi was disgusted with himself. He could never betray Yuki. He _loved_ Yuki. Then again, another voice in his head was telling him that maybe Yuki wouldn't even care. Maybe Yuki wouldn't even be jealous of him. The blond-haired man had _never_ been jealous, so why would he be now? Maybe Yuki wouldn't mind _sharing_? Shuichi slapped himself on the cheek and shook his head. _No, no, NO._

Ryuichi came back from the kitchen, looking somewhat more composed than before. "Everything alright?"

"Uh, yeah." Shuichi couldn't look his host in the eye.

"Okay, then." Ryuichi leaned against the wall, hanging his head. "You can still stay the night, if you want. I'm not going to rape you or anything. I just thought you should know how I feel, lest I should... moan in my sleep or something. Do you want more drink?"

"Yes, please." Shuichi held out his empty glass. "Make it double strong. I think I'm going to need it tonight."

Ryuichi raised his eyebrow, but complied without questioning. After all, who was he to tell Shuichi what to do in a situation like this –after a _revelation_ like this. He had absolutely no say in the pink-haired singer's life, and he would do well to remember it. Even though it _did_ concern him that Shuichi would want to get drunk. After all, it was only Tuesday.

"Would you come and sit with me here on the couch, Sakuma-san?" Shuichi asked as Ryuichi handed him the re-filled glass.

"I don't think it's a good idea, Shu-chan. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Shuichi smiled. "Come now, don't be so serious. This is not like you at all! Relax and be your own, silly self again. You're much easier to comprehend when you're acting crazy."

Ryuichi couldn't but laugh. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Possibly. But it's true. You're acting totally weird."

"Weird like what?" Ryuichi frowned, looking rather alarmingly adorable in Shuichi's opinion.

"Weird like... _sensible._ Weird like _fully sane."_ Shuichi smirked.

"Really?" The dark-haired man looked thrilled. "I'm so happy! I never knew I could do that! Act sane, I mean. Because, you know, they say I'm not."

Shuichi gave a short laugh and pulled a blanket over his shoulders. "Where's Kumagoro? Bring him here, I want to hold him."

Ryuichi fished the stuffed bunny out of somewhere and gave it to his guest. Then he settled next to the younger man, sitting cross-legged on the sofa. "So."

"So. I guess I must call Yuki."

Ryuichi stiffened and went pale. "You're going to tell him? He's going to kill me for sure! Please, Shu-chan, don't tell him! I'll give you anything you want if only you don't tell him! I'll give you my shirt –this nice frilly one I know you've watched many times, the one I wore at one of my concerts! I'll give it to you, and I'll also give you my popcorn maker, the one you have always found so wonderful. And maybe also one of my diamond rings, just to be sure, I really have plenty of them and they're all really nice. You'll get to pick! Just please, don't tell Eiri-san about this! I don't want to die!"

"Calm down, silly, I'm not telling him a word." Shuichi laughed. "As if he deserves to know, the way he's treated me lately!"

"Really? Really, really?" Ryuichi clasped his hands together and looked at Shuichi, eyes pleading.

"Really. This here..." Shuichi motioned between them. "...This is all between us, and us alone. It's our little secret."

"But why do you call Yuki then?" The dark-haired man asked with a small voice and a little pout.

"I want to know if he even wonders where I am. I never told him I was coming here, you know." Shuichi selected Yuki's number as he spoke. "I just left without a word."

Ryuichi nodded and began to play with Kumagoro as Shuichi waited for Yuki to answer.

"_What now, baka?"_

"Hello to you, too, Yuki." Shuichi bit back a sharp reply. "I was just wondering, it's almost midnight... are you finished with writing for the day, already?"

"_Why are you calling me and asking me such inane things? Of course I'm not finished, the book must be out next month and I have still six chapters to edit! Didn't I tell you not to disturb me?"_

"So you're mad at me, still." Shuichi frowned. "Hey, where do you suppose I sleep tonight, if I can't come home?"

"_I never said you can't come home. Just make sure you won't get on my nerves if you do."_

"Mind much if I stay with a friend?"

"_Not in the least."_

"Well, then. I'll see you tomorrow after work. Good night, Yu..."

Yuki hung up wihtout another word. Shuichi let out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. Then he tossed the cell phone on the soft-carpeted floor and turned to Ryuichi. "Mind if I stay here? Honestly?"

Kumagoro replied in Ryuichi's stead. "Shuichi-san can always stay. Kumagaro loves Shuichi. So does Ryu-chan."

Shuichi smiled despite himself and patted the bunny on the head. "Alright, that's a bit too much. Talking about love, I mean."

"But why?" Kumagoro held his pink, flappy ears down with its palms, looking embarrassed.

"Yuki has never told me he loves me. It's..." Shuichi massaged his eyes. "I guess, to me, it sounds somehow... _wrong..._ when somebody else tells me those words in his stead."

"It's only natural that you want to hear them from Eiri-san." Ryuichi reached out and gently pushed a wild tendril of Shuichi's pink hair behind his ear. "And not from anybody else."

Shuichi shrugged and closed his eyes. "Yeah."

"Well, then." Ryuichi stretched his limbs and yawned. Then he tossed the TV's remote control to the younger man and lazily stood up. "I guess it's time for us to get some sleep. Long day tomorrow, ne? You can sleep on the couch like usual."

"Okay. Whatever." Shuichi grabbed the remote and began to scroll through the channels.

"Nighty night, Shu-chan."

Shuichi glanced at the other man, suddenly a little bit shy. Wild, wanton thoughts filled his thoughts again when he watched the Nittle Grasper singer shedding his shirt while walking towards the bedroom. "G'night, Sakuma-san. Beautiful dreams."

Ryuichi grinned from the bedroom door and closed it behind him.

--

Two hours passed. Shuichi was still watching the large, 46" plasma television, although nothing reasonable was on the show. Well, not exactly _watching_, because even though his eyes were following the enthusiastic movements of an annoying-looking sales woman on the Commercial Channel, his eyes were registering nothing. Absolutely nothing else could penetrate his mind except Ryuichi's soft snores that were drifting from the other room.

Images –no, _memories-_ of Sakuma-san began to flash in his mind, and he explored them for a while. They were all happy memories, or at least amusing, and Shuichi found himself smiling despite the corners of his eyes were wet with tears. He remembered the first time he'd met with his long-time idol. It was in the beginning of his singer's career, of the entire career of Bad Luck, and the worldly Sakuma Ryuichi had literally saved it. Shuichi could still hear that beautiful voice, still hear Ryuichi singing without the distraction of music, walking down through the entire audience of wild teenagers towards him, looking so mysterious, so exciting, so _completely desirable_... Despite the funny cap he had been wearing.

Then there was the day when Nittle Grasper had rearranged its lines and returned. Ryuichi's first performance for the Hit Stage had made Shuichi outright collapse. It had been so beautiful, so touching and so _perfect_. But it had also been an eye-opener for Shuichi. The younger singer could never forget the change in Sakuma-san as he began to perform; the concentration, the flash in the blue eyes that indicated his total, unwavering devotion to singing. There had been no trace of the silly, funny nutcase he otherwise pretended to be.

_Pretended... _Shuichi frowned. _Why is it that Ryu-chan has to pretend? Or is he truly nuts like everyone says?_

Somehow, Shuichi couldn't believe that. Tonight, for example, Ryuichi had shown him more of his true self than ever before, and his true self seemed to be everything but nuts. His true self, although still good-humoured, pleasing and attentive, was also careful, guarded and even afraid. He did not joke about things that really touched his heart, and he certainly never joked about Shuichi's problems with Yuki. He also seemed to be keeping a lot inside, Shuichi realised. A lot of denied feelings, a lot of pain... It all showed in his eyes, sometimes, when Shuichi surprised him in the middle of his thoughts. Putting on a mask of a lunatic in order to hide his true emotions, his _weaknesses_, was perhaps a very calculated thing after all.

Or a _hobby_, of some sort.

Shuichi shortly wondered if he should develop himself an alternate personality as well. Maybe he could act crazy, too? Not that _he_ needed much acting. Laughing softly at himself, Shuichi stood up and stretched. Then he noticed the numerous photographs, advertisements and posters that were covering the entrance hall walls and, although he had seen them before, went to admire them.

There was Sakuma Ryuichi, looking as dashing as always, smiling in each and every one of the pictures. It was like Sakuma Ryuichi's diary plastered all over the walls, minus secret details. Shuichi grinned and ghosted his fingers over them all, finally stopping to admire the last and largest picture. It was new; Shuichi surely would have remembered if he had seen it before, since it was Absolutely Hypnotizing. Ryuichi was only half dressed in it, looking like the wettest dream ever dreamed, advertising some new cologne.

"You are so very beautiful, Ryu-chan," Shuichi whispered. "I hope you know that."

Startled by his own thoughts, Shuichi blushed and took his hand away. Unwanted thoughts reeling in mind, he tried to think of something or somebody else than his friend. But it was all in vain. Nothing, it seemed, could turn Shuichi's thoughts away from Sakuma Ryuichi tonight. His -unhealthy?- attachment to Yuki had previously prevented him from thinking about Sakuma-san as anything other than a friend, but he was rapidly taking back all of those lost thoughts. He wondered when Ryuichi had last got laid, and with whom, and whether he would be up to it tonight as well.

_No, no... I don't want him. I do NOT want him. _

But the thought was already there; the seed had been sown, and the roots were already deep. Ryuichi was the most important person in Shuichi's life right now, if not counted Yuki. Shuichi had not even _considered_ bothering any of his other friends in the longest time, not even Hiro. It was always Sakuma-san these days, _always, _and never anybody else. It could never be anybody else...

Shuichi realised he had been slowly massaging his erection through his trousers and jerked his hand away in horror. If only Ryu-chan's _pictures_ could make his body react this way, then how would the real thing affect? Now that Shuichi had given himself the freedom of thought, he could rapidly conjure up various scenes where he would let Sakuma Ryuichi fuck himself mercilessly in hell and back.

Deciding a cold shower would be in order, Shuichi all but ran into the bathroom.

--

Getting out of the bathroom, Shuichi pulled on his t-shirt and began to dry his hair. He kicked his old trousers and underwear aside, unwilling to put them on. He would borrow Ryuichi's pajamas tonight, he decided as he viciously tousled his hair with the dark blue towel. Maybe he would borrow Ryuichi's pajamas even _literally. _He smirked as he pictured himself ripping the pajamas off Ryuichi's body, exposing the gorgeous sight beneath them.

Frustrated with himself, Shuichi growled and tossed the towel on the floor. He then made his way to the bedroom door and silently peered inside. His eyes were hurting and he couldn't see much in the darkness, but he slipped inside nonetheless. He knew his eyesight would soon adjust, and besides he knew the apartment already so well that he really didn't need _eyes _to navigate around.

He found the wardrobe without much difficulties and felt for a pair of soft trousers. He found them easily and slipped them on. Then he turned around to check the sleeping beauty that was actually his halfway intoxicated host, snoring under the covers. It was just too irresistible a sight to be completely ignored.

Shuichi softly knelt on the bed and crept across the enormous mattress to Ryuichi's side. He had but once before slept in this same bed with his idol; once when he had been feverish. Ryuichi had been taking care of him in the most attentive of ways, and Shuichi had enjoyed his sickness immensely, never wanting to get well again. It was sad that Yuki only rarely bothered to pamper him or spoil him like Ryuichi always did.

_Yuki..._ Shuichi suddenly remembered his real boyfriend and froze. Why had he come here, _why_? This was wrong. He shouldn't be in this bed right now, with Sakuma-san sleeping right next to him. Why did he tease himself like this? What in the world had brought him here tonight? Ryuichi's flattering words from earlier? Some sort of sixth sense? No... In reality, it had probably been just his sex-starven dick guiding his steps.

Shuichi shook his head viciously, wanting to chase such sinful thoughts out of his head. No, he was _not_ here to seek satisfaction that he so sorely needed. He was _not. _

Oh, but he damn well was.

Grinning mischievously, Shuichi leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Ryuichi's temple. "Wake up, Ryu-chan."

His voice was such a silent whisper that it did not reach the sleeping man's hearing. Shuichi snuggled even closer, trailing his nose along Ryuichi's cheek. "Wake up, Ryu-chan... Wake up..."

Ryuichi stirred, but didn't open his eyes. Shuichi kissed his way down Ryuichi's jawline before nibbling gently on his earlobe. This awakened the Nittle Grasper artist with a start, and Shuichi grinned down at his wide-eyed prey. Ryuichi's dazzling blue eyes were wide open, and their faces were so close that Shuichi could feel the other man's quickening breath on his skin.

"S-Shu-chan? W-what are you doing?"

Shuichi tangled his hand in Ryuichi's messy hair and held him firmly in place. "I'm going to kiss you."

"What? But Shu-ch... mmmfff..."

Shuichi cut off Ryuichi's protests and pulled him into a deep French kiss. He didn't have to wait long for the other man to answer. He deepened the kiss and explored Ryuichi's mouth tenderly, lovingly, while his free hand roamed downwards to get in contact with some bare skin. Shuichi could feel his friend shivering beneath him when he pulled the shirt up and trailed his fingers across Ryuichi's abdominal muscles and teased his nipples.

Getting suddenly aggressive, Ryuichi rolled them around and pinned Shuichi against the bed with the weight of his body. His eyes held a cold expression that indicated something terribly rare: Sakuma Ryuichi was _angry. _

"Don't tempt me, Shuichi! You're playing a dangerous game here."

Shuichi, helplessly aroused by this dominant side of Ryuichi, licked his lips and tried to kiss the man again. However, this time Ryuichi pulled his face away just so that Shuichi couldn't quite reach his lips. "Nah-uh, Shu-chan... _No way_."

"But I thought you wanted me!" Shuichi whined and bucked his hips upwards, grinding against his friend's groin. "I thought you wanted to fuck me."

Ryuichi hissed with pleasure. "Stop it! I mean it."

"You look so cute when you're angry!" Shuichi cooed.

"I'm not cute. I'm _dangerous."_

"Oh, really?" Shuichi's quick hands found their way beneath Ryuichi's pants and around the growing erection. He gasped as he realised his friend was quite well-equipped there; perhaps even more so than Yuki.

"Oh, fuck, _no you don't!"_ Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's wrists, pulled the diligent hands out of his pants and locked them in a death grip above the other man's head. He glared at the insolent brat with furious eyes. "When I say I'm dangerous, I _mean_ it. Why would you think I threw you out of my house today? Just for the fun of it? No, Shuichi, I really had a strong meaning behind my actions. So _don't play with me."_

"Why don't you play with me instead?" Shuichi whispered, eyes dilated with lust.

"If you want to forget your troubles with Eiri-san, this isn't exactly the right way to go about it. True, I told you I wanted you, but I'm not going to get involved. No _fucking _way."

Shuichi was stone hard. This fierce side of Ryuichi was more than his libido could take. "Sakuma-san... _Please..."_

"_No."_ Ryuichi sat back, covered his face and growled into his hands. "No."

"Yes." Shuichi wrapped his arms around the other man who was straddling him. "_Yes."_

"Shuichi, listen to me. No matter what bullshit you're trying to feed yourself right now, we both know you can't eventually handle the guilt brought by your rash behaviour." Ryuichi brought his hands around the smaller man and pulled his head against his chest. "Believe me, Shu-chan... Even though you must generally think that I'm bonkers, the way I always act in public, I _do_ have some sense left in me. And I'm telling you, letting me fuck you into the mattress isn't going to solve your problems with Yuki Eiri."

"I'm not going to solve my problems with him," Shuichi murmured in Ryuichi's chest. "I'm going to leave him."

"What?" Ryuichi lifted the younger man's chin up. "Of... Of what are you talking?"

To everybody's surprise, even Kumagoro's it seemed, Shuichi broke down and began to wail. "I can't stand it any longer! I just can't! I have tried so hard, I've tried my fucking _best, _but nothing's enough for him! I never do anything right, I never _say_ anything right! And I feel like I'm suffocating, I feel like I have a burning thorn collar around my neck, its grip tightening day by day, and I just can't get it off because Yuki's the one who's holding the keys and he won't fucking give them to me! Ryu-chan... _I am so tired of this! I want OUT!_"

Ryuichi looked pale in the moonlight. "Oh fuck, Shu... Shu-chan..."

Shuichi's tears were hot against Ryuichi's chest, his soft pink hair tickling his neck. "Ryu-chan... Don't think I'm doing this rashly. I have been thinking about this already quite some time. I've even twice talked about this with _him. _It's just that... he doesn't seem to care. He always just smiles and ruffles my hair, and perhaps gives me a kiss or two... He likes me, that's for sure, and probably he wouldn't want me to go. But he doesn't need me like I need him. He doesn't _love_ me as much as I love him. And I just can't live like that any longer."

Ryuichi pulled Shuichi close and rocked them both back and forth. "I'm relieved you've given this some thought before tonight; but I'm still saying this is not the time nor the place to do such decisions. I love you, Shuichi, and I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to rush into things you might later regret."

"Ryu-chan..." Shuichi began to bawl anew, his little body shaking with tremors.

"Hush now... Dry your tears and get some sleep." Gently, the Nittle Grasper singer laid his young collegue down on the bed, laid down next to him and pulled covers over them both. Shuichi melted into his embrace, and slowly his sobs began to decrease.

"_Even now, wherever the light can't shine through, we shall paint a brilliant, dancing dream..." _Ryuichi began to hum the Nittle Grasper hit song with his soft, calming voice. "..._So that the words that guide you... do not fail..." _

Shuichi slept soundly through the night, never once waking while Ryuichi held him tight.

--

The morning dawned and Sakuma Ryuichi pulled an old stuffed toy, a pale red rabbit, in his arms. He wished it might be able to warm the place that was now empty; the place where his beloved Shuichi had just hours ago slept.

"_An unsmiling person, with darkened eyes...With the world you desired suddenly turning into ash..." _His voice was broken, and he swallowed. "_Quietly embracing, completely captured... Until your heart..." _

Silent tears spilled out of the vulnerable, blue eyes and seeped into the pillow where nobody could ever find them.

"..._has broken."_

**...End of Part 1...**

**...continues in Part 2... **

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**A/N: **My first-ever Gravitation fic. Don't kill me if it sucked. Constructive feedback is always welcome. My LJ username is 'angryon' if anyone prefers commenting there. -Lances


	2. Brilliant Dancing Dream 2

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Gravitation. I have no right to use the characters like I do in this story, and I apologize. How horrible of me. Meh. So sorry, Mr. Murakami.

**AUTHOR's NOTES: **At the request of my beloved readers, I hereby give you 'The Sequel' in the form of a second chapter. Thank you _ApplesandBannas, KagomeGirl21, Kathy, Tessa, Saint Germain, Plotbunnybrat, eXnay, Seth, BC, Atiya aka secret411 and Ruby-sama aura-chan the neko-jin's yami _for your encouraging words. -Lances

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**A Brilliant, Dancing Dream PART#2**

**by Lances**

Sakuma Ryuichi really loved tea with milk. He loved also banana lollipops with red strawberry stripes and breakfast toast coated liberally with orange marmalade. He loved sunshine in the winter and rain in the summer, and he loved it when Tohma ruffled his hair.

He loved quite many things, really.

But Shindou Shuichi... he loved the most.

And now, sitting at his kitchen table and slowly enjoying hot tea with milk, he let his thoughts travel back in time. Not very far away, though, for he was rather worried that he might lose his thoughts for good, lest he would allow them to travel very far all on their own; but it was safe to let them a few hours back, to the previous evening, when Shuichi had been here to see him.

There had, again, been another fight between the young singer and his life companion Yuki Eiri. Those fights had long ago surpassed the definition of a regular habit, and Ryuichi was becoming more and more concerned every day. Not just for Shu-chan's sake, but for his own as well. It ached Ryuichi's heart to watch Shuichi cry; but it ached even more when he knew he wasn't allowed to do anything about it.

No-one in their right mind would want to cross Yuki Eiri.

Ryuichi wondered briefly if he could consider his mind being right, but decided the complicated matter by deciding that not even _crazy_ people would want to cross Yuki Eiri. The man had, after all, killed once. Or thrice. Ryuichi didn't really remember, but he had heard it all from Kumagoro several years back, who had accidentally heard it from Tohma-san and Mika-chan when they had been talking.

Ryuichi sighed. He found the tea didn't taste as good as before and pushed the mug away. This was all so crazy and wrong. Ryuichi couldn't understand how anyone could treat poor, sweet Shindou-san like Yuki always did. It was plain horrible. If only Shuichi had been _his_ boyfriend, he sure would have treated him better.

_No, no, no, na no da. NO thinking that way._

Ryuichi was angry at himself. Not just because he had revealed his true feelings to Shuichi the previous night, in the heat of the moment, but also because he had allowed himself to think _If Only-_things again. Noriko-chan had always warned him about _If Only_-things; they were dangerous to his mind, which, Ryuichi understood, wasn't very good at handling confusing matters. So Ryuichi just shook his head and held Kumagoro tight against his chest.

Shuichi had left the apartment unnoticed somewhere during the early morning hours, without waking him up. Maybe the youngster had panicked and fled as fast as he could. After all, he had been sleeping in Ryuichi's arms, which was _not_ something that should have happened. Ever.

What exactly _had_ gone wrong yesterday?

Everything, maybe?

Ryuichi stood up and walked through the living room out to the balcony, his feet cold against the tiled floor. Warm yet refreshing morning wind surrounded him, making the light canvas of his long-sleeved white shirt flap against his sides and back. His lengthy brown hair fought hard against becoming a tangled mess and Ryuichi wiped it back from his eyes, watching the colourful city far below him.

So, it was Wednesday. And he would do best to pull his act together again.

--

Wednesdays were always nice days at work. They were days when Tohma held many meetings with strange people and Noriko-chan locked herself up in the studio to train with the synthesizer. Ryuichi, therefore, was left pretty much on his own devices on Wednesdays, and he usually spent them at the NG cafeteria or some other inspiring place to write new songs and lyrics for Nittle Grasper.

Today, he had decided to sit at the cafeteria. Not many people understood why he often chose such an un-inspiring place for his inspiration-demanding job, but the fact was that Ryuichi was not the type of person who found inspiration in melting snow or wilting flowers. Instead, Ryuichi found inspiration when watching the real life unfolding in front of his eyes: excited young wannabes bouncing up and down the hallways in unsatisfied anticipation, grumpy-looking managers talking to their cellular phones without even really moving their lips, band members arguing over the cover of their new CD, a cleaning lady polishing the leaves of a lone ficus... All this Sakuma Ryuichi found utterly fascinating.

Just as fascinating as he found the cute little arse... _eyes_ of Shindou Shuichi, who suddenly emerged from the elevator, wearing the shortest pair of violet leather shorts Ryuichi had ever seen on him. Or on anybody.

The pen dropped from Ryuichi's fingers as he watched the sight before him. If the tight shorts with all those slightly shimmering metal fastenings weren't enough, Shuichi just _had_ to choose this day to wear also sexy black boots that reached above his knees and a white, see-though frilly shirt that was way too open at the front. A black cowboy hat lay deep in his head, underneath which several strays of pink hair were sticking out, shadowing his pretty face.

Ryuichi swallowed and blushed. "Good lord fucking Balthazar..."

He realised he was staring and hastily looked away. He picked up his pen again and began to write furiously. He didn't know _what_ he wrote, but it didn't matter, just as long as Shuichi didn't realise he was _still_ staring. Several teasing memories from the previous night suddenly invaded his mind and made him curse his own stupidity for turning down Shuichi's eager suggestions. This was Not Good.

_I need to get a hold of myself..._ _Yes, Ryu-chan, get a hold of yourself... Just like Tohma-san has taught you... _Ryuichi realised his palms were sweating. _Shindou Shuichi belongs to Yuki Eiri. Don't touch him. Ever. Not even when he's drunk and crazy enough to offer._

"Hey, Sakuma-san!"

Ryuichi stiffened and accidentally bit his lip so hard it began to bleed. Shuichi had noticed him and was now coming over. The movements of his narrow hips were simply hypnotizing and Ryuichi briefly wondered if the younger man was purposefully teasing him.

"Hey, Shu-chan." Ryuichi sucked his lower lip to end the bleeding. "Feeling better today, ne?"

"Yeah. _Tremendously_ better. We're working on a new music video today, as you can see." Shuichi gestured at his clothes, smiling, and sat down next to him. Their knees brushed and Ryuichi let ot a small mewling sound before carefully scooting away. Shuichi eyed the paper in front of them that was now full of inane words. "What are you doing? Writing lyrics? Won't you let me see?"

"Er..." Ryuichi covered the mess with his hands. "Not yet. But soon. They're Kumagoro's gift to you. He told me to write them down since he doesn't know how to write himself, na no da."

"Well that's so sweet!" Shuichi grinned and his eyes were sparkling at Ryuichi. "I can't wait to see them!"

Ryuichi grinned back, although he was feeling more horrified than happy. "I'll give them to you right away when they're finished. Promise."

Shuichi suddenly reached out and brushed a tendril of brown hair out of Ryuichi's eyes. "By the way, thanks for last night. I really appreciate it."

"N-no problem. That's what friends are for. Helping each other through difficult times. And we're still friends, aren't we, Shu-chan?"

Shuichi only smiled. It was a strange kind of smile that made Ryuichi instantly worry. Usually it was easy for him to interpret people's feelings, but something in Shuichi's smile was very guarded this morning. Maybe the previous night was truly bothering the lad even though he wasn't admitting it out loud.

Maybe things really had gone too far?

Yes. Perhaps that was it. Perhaps he had been too straightforward with his confessions? He'd even said the F-word! What kind of an idiot says the F-word instead of 'I want to make love to you'? Ryuichi cursed himself in his mind, and he cursed Kumagoro, too, for the first time in his life. He glanced at the bunny who was sitting on the table, looking pointedly elsewhere as if not wanting to see Ryuichi's mental distress.

"You're going to be home tonight?" Shuichi asked, tilting his head slightly to one side. "I mean, I only ask because I forgot something and I'd like to get it back."

"Um, yeah, I'll be there." Ryuichi coughed, and sucked his lip again. It was still bleeding. "It's not like I have much else to do than sit home and watch telly, you know. So you can drop by any time."

Shuichi frowned then, and looked down. "Sakuma-san..."

Ryuichi was stuffing the papers in his backpack. He didn't want Shuichi to see them by accident. "Yeah? What is it, Shu-chan? You look worried."

"I guess I am, a little."

"Well, I... I hope... I mean, I hope it isn't because of last night. You understand that I would _never_ do anything bad to you. Like, never ever."

Shuichi looked at him in the eyes, confused. "Huh? What? No! That's not what I was thinking about. I _know_ you wouldn't hurt me. I _trust_ you, Ryu-chan. With all my heart. I trust you like I trust Hiro."

Ryuichi let out a breath and smiled. "Well, that's a relief to know. Ne, Kumagoro?"

The bunny nodded its head enthusiastically.

"What I was about to ask you just now..." Shuichi continued. "Sakuma-san, how many friends do you have?"

Ryuichi was surprised by this question and began to scratch his head beneath his red headband. "Well, I've got lots of friends. It's kind of hard to count."

"I'm talking about those friends you see every week, or at least every month, and spend some quality time with them."

"Oh? Well, there's Kumagoro, Noriko-chan, Tohma and Mika-chan... And K... and _you_."

"That's not what I meant, Sakuma-san. I'm not talking about working colleagues. I'm talking about... other friends."

"Well, I don't know. K always says I don't think enough about who are my friends and who are just strangers." Ryuichi pursed his lips in thought, _not_ looking at Shuichi's hands that were playing with the fancy leather band that was fastened tight around his small neck. "But I'd like to imagine I've got lots of friends. Back in Southern Cali I did. I guess. I'm just not allowed to meet them since I'm so famous these days and K thinks my friends might do something to hurt me."

"So you don't really have anyone to talk to, when things get bad?" Shuichi probed on.

"I talk to Kumagoro. He's always with me." Ryuichi didn't like this questioning, and it must have showed from his face since Shuichi suddenly grinned and changed the subject.

"Hey, Sakuma-san, what do you think about throwing another joint concert with me? I mean, Nittle Grasper together with Bad Luck? Next summer in Ibiza? It would be great!"

Shuichi was clearly hopeful, his legs swaying back and forth beneath the table and his eyes large and expectant. How could Ryuichi turn down _anything_ Shuichi suggested, he did not know. But he _had_ managed to do it last night –a miracle in itself. _No, no, do NOT think about last night, baka._

Ryuichi played with Kumagoro's ears as he finally answered. "I don't know, Shu-chan. I would certainly want to, but Tohma-san might have different ideas."

"Tell me, what's a better way to promote both NG's most famous bands than letting them perform on the same stage? Tohma did it once before, three years back, remember?" Shuichi wouldn't give up. "I would really love to do it, you know. I love your voice, and I hardly ever get to see you on tour since we're having our respective tour with Bad Luck usually at the same time."

"What are you talking about? You've heard me sing thousands of times, probably even more. Aren't you getting bored with me?" Ryuichi laughed.

"Bored? With _you?_ You must be kidding me. After all, you're my deity!" Shuichi stood up and stretched out, exposing his slim waist and navel to Ryuichi's keen examination as his shirt was tugged upwards with the movement. "Think about it, will you? I must be going now. We're shooting the underwater part in thirty minutes in the nearby swimming hall and I still haven't changed my outfit. I'm supposed to wear a pair of skin-licking pink PVC trousers and nothing else."

"Gah!" Ryuichi sputtered. "You don't have to tell me!"

"I think you're going to _love_ our new video!" Shuichi teased.

"I think I'm going to love your arse in those pants better." Ryuichi winked at the pink-haired singer.

Shuichi giggled and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek before bouncing back to the elevators. He turned to look over his shoulder before entering the lift. "I'll see you in the evening, then, Ryu-chan!"

--

Taking bubble baths was one of Sakuma Ryuichi's favourite diversions. He didn't know what could better make him relax than playing with his rather admirable collection of rubber duckies while lolling listlessly in the embrace of the hot water, inhaling the aroma therapeutic fumes. Ryuichi always took bubble baths before big concerts or important interviews because they made him simply feel _good_ about himself.

Tonight, however, the bath didn't seem to help. He'd spiked the water twice as strong as usual with the dazing incentives, and he _still_ wasn't feeling good. He was feeling _gloomy_.

Hours and hours he had waited... and Shuichi hadn't come. The hands of the little clock over the sink (Ryuichi had taken it there just to torture himself) were both rapidly nearing number 12, and the ghosting hour would soon begin.

Ryuichi dived underneath the water's surface. It didn't matter that Shuichi hadn't come. Except maybe a little. Maybe a very, very little. Or maybe very much. What had he been expecting again? That his little beautiful daydream would burst in, arms wide open, and answer all of his suffocated feelings? No way. That was something that would _never_ happen. For who could possibly be of any competition to the gorgeous, famous and clever Yuki Eiri? Certainly not Sakuma Ryuichi who, despite also being famous, was also seemingly childish, confused and off his rocker; an oddity whom nobody ever took seriously except on stage.

Ryuichi re-surfaced and accidentally sloshed the water so that one of his favourite rubber duckies fell out of the bathtub onto the wet, tiled floor. He squeaked in alarm and tried to reach it, but his arms seemed to be too short. Muttering angrily at himself, he got out of the bathtub to pick up the poor slighted duck.

_Ding dong..._

The doorbell rang just as he'd gotten up. He looked at his reflection in the full-length mirror on the wall and only saw a horrified, pale face surrounded by foam.

"Fuck... Is it him?" Ryuichi threw the duck back into the bath and grabbed the nearest towel. "Why now? Why does he have to come _now_, when I'm looking like _this?_ Not that it matters... He's here just to fetch something he forgot. Calm down, Ryu-chan... Calm down..."

As he spoke to himself this way, he hastened towards the front door. He wrapped the towel tightly around his hips and peered into the eye on the door. Red hair, like the colour of a partly ripened strawberry, covered nearly all of his vision. It _was_ Shuichi, then.

_Ding dong..._

"All right, I'm coming!" Ryuichi quipped as he began to open the door.

Shuichi's brightly grinning face was in front of him in a matter of seconds. "Evening, Sakuma-san! Sorry my lateness, but can I c... _whoa!_ What are you _wearing_?"

Blushing, Ryuichi realised he wasn't actually wearing anything else but his most horrible towel, the bright green one with white flowers. "I, er... I was having a bath just now, and..."

"Are those _bubbles_ in your hair?" Shuichi laughed.

Ryuichi glared at him indignantly. "Is there something wrong with having a bubble bath, in your opinion?"

"No, of course not. I just..." Shuichi wiped some of the foam out of Ryuichi's ear, smelled it, and seemed pleased. "I've just never had one myself before. Can I join you?"

"WHAT?" Shuichi bounced inside and Ryuichi closed the front door.

Shuichi began to divest his clothes as he walked towards the living room. He shed his jacket and his collared shirt over the couch and then began to unbutton his jeans. Ryuichi was panicking as he watched those quick fingers working.

"Shuichi, w-what are you _doing?"_

"I can't well bathe with all my clothing on, now can I?"

"Well, I guess... Um..." Ryuichi didn't know what to make of things –or where to look at. "I'll just go shower quickly and then I'll make you a fresh bath."

Shuichi was fast and grabbed Ryuichi's upper arm before the older man could escape. He looked at Ryuichi's flushed face with the greatest amount of amusement. "Don't be so nervous, Sakuma-san. It's just me, Shuichi. You don't have to be so considerate with me, I'm practically your best friend at the moment. I don't mind sharing the same bath with you."

"Exactly." Ryuichi glared at him pointedly. "And that's just the problem, isn't it?"

Shuichi began to massage his arm, grinning wickedly. "Problem?"

"Haven't you learned anything from last night?" Ryuichi shivered under the teasing touch despite he was rapidly growing angry. Or maybe it was the cool air on his bare, wet skin that made him so damn fidgety. "Don't try to seduce me. I know you're fucking irresistible, and I'd like nothing more than to get it on with you, but I already told you that I don't want to get involved in your lovers' quarrel with Eiri-san."

Shuichi looked at him with innocent, wide eyes. "Quarrel? But there's no quarrel..."

"What is it that you forgot here yesterday and came to retrieve? Just take it and leave."

"All right." Shuichi's smile never faltered when he abruptly pulled Ryuichi in his arms and kissed him, deep and hard. Ryuichi's muffled yelp didn't help him, and he soon found his mouth being plundered by Shuichi's eager tongue. He felt butterflies in his tummy and saw stars behind his eyes and he thought for an instant that he was flying. And he couldn't damn well do anything but drown in the dazing sensations.

Shuichi pulled back and kissed the tip of Ryuichi's nose. "_That_ was what I forgot."

Panting, Ryuichi looked into the vibrant, violet eyes of the younger man. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Now, now..." Shuichi's hands were trailing along the waistline of Ryuichi's towel. "Then you have no other choice... but to _punish_ me."

"You're masochistic or what?" Ryuichi growled as he took a fistful of Shuichi's long hair and twisted. "I could do so many things to you right now and send you home crying. Is that what you want?"

Shuichi grabbed Ryuichi's arse and pulled their hips together. "You can make me cry... but you can't make me any more hot and bothered than this."

They had a short staring contest which Ryuichi lost, to his own dismay. He let go of Shuichi's hair, pulled away and sat down on the couch. "Why must you be so stubborn? Why can't you believe I'm not safe to play with? If only you knew what I'm capable of, you wouldn't want to be even _near_ me. I'm begging you, one last time... stop this torture and get back to your senses."

"Sakuma-san... I'm not afraid of you. Just by saying all these things, you've proved yourself a caring, considerate person. No matter what you say, I'm not giving up on you."

"I never knew you could be this selfish, Shu-chan."

"What?" Shuichi's eyes widened with surprise. "What do you mean by _selfish_?"

"Can't you see...?" Ryuichi covered his face with his hands. "Can't you see that you're hurting me?"

"H-hurting you_?"_

"Yes!" Ryuichi growled. "You're hurting me very bad, Shu-chan! You make me feel so cheap! You think it's only sex I want from you? Well guess what, that's not quite the case here. I... I will be torn apart. Shuichi... if you give me your love even for the smallest of moments and then take it away... I can't handle it. I really can't. So please don't mess with me anymore. This is already too much for me."

"Sakuma-san..." Shuichi walked over to him and laid his hands on his shoulders. His touch felt cold against the bare skin. "You're being scarily serious again."

"No shit?" Ryuichi gave a dry laugh. "Despite what you might think, I _do _have some serious feelings inside of me sometimes, and when I talk about them, I don't joke."

"I'm sorry," Shuichi offered.

Ryuichi sighed. "Yeah, whatever."

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to make myself _clear_," Shuichi continued. "Let me try this another way: I want to be with you. I broke up with Yuki tonight, and although he was rather shocked and maybe even a little sad, I know he'll get over it eventually. Maybe even sooner than what he should. However, it was I who left him, as a result of a long conversation with him, during which I realised I was not happy with him. During which I realised... I had already found that missing happiness with someone else."

Ryuichi couldn't breathe. Shuichi stroked his cheek.

"My life's been a real mess for the past few years. Even without my problems with Yuki, I've had a hard time trying to make Bad Luck succeed. Oh yes, I've yelled and fought, I've collapsed and cried, I've been drinking and I've been on drugs once or twice. But there's always, and I mean _always,_ been somebody who's understood my feelings, who has once gone through the exact same things. And that somebody has picked me up, made me whole again, made me believe in myself again time and time again... made me always laugh and smile, despite the hardships of life. And all this has been done in the most unselfish way, without any expectations of compensation. I don't know what I might've done to myself during these past turmultuous years if I hadn't had _you_ by my side... Ryuichi."

"Stop it, Shu-chan..."

"No, _you_ stop it! Stop acting like you're doing me a favour by turning me down! Because you're not. What is it with all this 'you don't want to get involved with me' stuff? What are you hiding? I've dated a _murderer_ for the past five years, damn it!"

"That's not... I mean..."

"Out with it, Sakuma Ryuichi, or I'll ask K for a visit. Along with his AK-47."

"You wouldn't!" Ryuichi gasped.

"Try me." Shuichi smirked.

"I'm thirteen years older than you, for starters!" Ryuichi glared up at the other man who was standing in front of him, trying to look menacing.

Shuichi gaped at him and then began to laugh. "What's _that_ got to do with anything?"

"Well it damn well sounded better than 'I'm violent in bed', didn't it!" Ryuichi yelled, irritated.

Shuichi blinked. "Ah."

"I... I've been trying to tell you." Ryuichi couldn't look Shuichi in the eye. "I've hurt somebody before. In bed. A little. And a lot."

"But you wouldn't hurt _me_." Shuichi's soothing touch moved to caress Ryuichi behind the left ear. "I already told you. I'm not afraid of you."

"Shuichi... You don't know what you're talking about. Can't you see that I'm dangerous?"

"Dangerous? _You?_" Shuichi kissed the top of Ryuichi's head. "Listen here... Hurting somebody physically is bad, of course. But I think hurting somebody's _mind_ is far worse than that. And that's what Yuki did to me. All the time. And that's what _you_ could never do."

"I... I guess." Ryuichi found himself fidgeting again.

Shuichi went to sit in his lap, nuzzling his face against his neck. "So... What happened? When... you know. When you were violent?"

Ryuichi stiffened and swallowed. "I was too eager, I think. He cried a lot, and I didn't stop."

"Hn. You should've prepared him better." Shuichi nibbled Ryuichi's neck with his teeth.

"I know!" Ryuichi whined, feeling utterly distracted by Shuichi's teasing ministrations. "I didn't know what I was doing. It was my first time with another man... and consequently the last."

"No, not the last..." Shuichi pulled the older singer towards him and kissed him gently on the lips. "Because _I_ want to be your last."

"Shuichi... I'm not..."

"Hush now." Shuichi slid his hands down Ryuichi's body and grasped the green-and-white towel, tearing it open. "Don't you know what they say? That you must face your fears in order to get rid of them."

"Shut up..." Ryuichi closed his eyes, trembling with both cold and desire as expert hands began to stroke him. Shuichi sure knew how to push his buttons, the little brat. "Fuck..."

"Mmm, yes... fuck..." Shuichi whispered in his ear, his warm breath sending shivers down Ryuichi's spine. "So what did you think about that hot bath again?"

"I think the water's already too cold," Ryuichi whispered, grabbing Shuichi's arse.

"Then let's make a new one." Shuichi smiled. "I want to play with the bubbles."

--

The morning dawned and Sakuma Ryuichi pulled a young, beautiful man with strawberry red hair in his arms. Warm breath caressed the nape of his neck, and a leg was carelessly thrown over his waist. Shindou Shuichi snuggled closer, hot and sweet and sticky like freshly made butterscotch. And Ryuichi loved it.

There was a lick and a nibble and another long lick on his neck, and Ryuichi was instantly aroused. He couldn't understand it, though, because he was totally spent. They had done it five times during the past eight hours and it was more sex than what he'd had in eight _years_. Not that he complained. It was namely also the _best_ sex he'd _ever_ had. No wonder his body responded well to Shuichi's new advances.

"Morning, kiddo." Ryuichi grinned sleepily. "Not tired of me yet, hm?"

"Of course not, Ryu." Shuichi murmured as he moved downwards to tongue-fuck the other man's navel –a place he'd found the most sensitive spot for Ryuichi the previous night. Even now, the Nittle Grasper's vocalist was biting his lip in order to hold back his moans. "After all, you're the first one who's ever let _me_ do the fucking. I have no intent whatsoever to get tired of you. Ever."

Ryuichi moaned now, unable to help himself. "What? You... You've never topped before? After all these years with Eiri-san?"

"Nope. And I only did it once last night, and you got to do me four times, so I really think I have every right to take you." Shuichi moved even lower. "Like, right now."

"Well, if you put it like that..." Ryuichi began, but couldn't continue as Shuichi's soft and wet mouth engulfed him, stealing all his brain activity away.

Thirty minutes later they were both sweaty and tangled in the sheets. Ryuichi's face was buried into the pillow and he was panting heavily. Shuichi's head was resting between his shoulderblades and soft lips were kissing his skin, making him feel very much loved. The moment was perfect –until Shuichi's cell phone began to ring.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Ryuichi asked when Shuichi didn't move.

"I guess I should..." Shuichi got up lazily, pulled on a pair of pajama trousers and padded into the living room where his phone was most obviously located. "It's probably Yuki."

Ryuichi felt the effects of this declaration immediately. His blood felt suddenly like ice in his veins and his skin turned sensitive to all touch. This was the moment he'd been fearing all the time; the moment when his life and his heart would be torn apart. Ryuichi knew that if only Yuki chose his words right, Shuichi would go running back to him.

Feeling his throat constricting with suffocated tears, Ryuichi sat up and looked around the room to find Kumagoro. He found the stuffed animal under the nightstand and pulled it against his chest, squeezing it with force that would've hurt the poor bunny had it been real.

"Do you think we'll be alone again, Ku-Kumagoro?" he asked, his voice broken by a silent sob.

The bunny didn't know what to say. Ryuichi's eyes filled with tears and he wiped them angrily away. _I won't cry. I won't. I knew this was coming. It was stupid of me to believe it would last. Go fuck yourself, Sakuma Ryuichi._

"What's wrong?" Shuichi's voice came from the direction of the bedroom door. "Ryu-chan... are you _crying?"_

"It's nothing." Embarrassed, Ryuichi dived under the sheets with Kumagoro. "So... When will he come to pick you up?"

"What?" Shuichi snorted. "Is _that_ what's bothering you? You think I'm going to return to Yuki?"

Ryuichi buried his head underneath the pillow. "I wouldn't be surprised. After all, you love him, right? More than anything or anyone else in the world?"

"I... I guess it's true that I will always love him. Nothing can really change that. But, you know..." Shuichi sat down next to the other man and began to play with the few locks of brown hair that were still showing. "Love isn't always enough. Good relationships are based on more than that. Good relationships are based on _friendship._ And Yuki and I... We were never really friends. Unlike you and I."

"What? Do you mean to tell me we're now friends with benefits, or some shit like that?"

"That's not what I meant, baka." Shuichi sighed. "It's entirely possible to love many people at the same time. And I _do_ love you, Ryu-chan. I've just realised it, myself."

"Cut the crap," was the muffled reply.

Shuichi stood up and, by the sounds of it, went to rummage through Ryuichi's wardrobe. Ryuichi wondered what was happening, but before he could guess, he'd been pulled out of the bed and dragged onto the floor. Shuichi was standing above him, wearing the old, pink Kumagoro outfit he'd once used when announcing Bad Luck that it had sold one million albums.

"You can put that stuffed animal away now. I'm kind of jealous of it, damn it. I'll be your new Kumagoro from now on. Hug me, not that toy!" Shuichi yelled. "Or... Is it possible for you to love the both of us?"

Ryuichi couldn't but start laughing. Laughing at Shuichi, laughing at the silly bunny outfit, laughing at himself. He opened his arms and Shuichi dived in his embrace. "All right, kiddo. You win. I think I can love you as much as I love Kumagoro. That is, if I try _real_ hard."

"Aw, but I want you to love me _more." _Shuichi whined.

"Truth be told..." Ryuichi grinned and squeezed him tight against his chest. "I think I already do."

**--**

**End. I guess.**

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A/N: **That was the second part. I hope you enjoyed it. I _had_ planned on writing a third part from Yuki's point of view, but I guess I won't. I have so many other ideas going on in my head right now. But, we'll see. Maybe one day. Thank you for reading my story, I really appreciate the attention. Feedback is always welcome, whether you liked the story or not. -Lances


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